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Interview with a Twinkletoes

So Twinkletoes you finally managed an away trip?

Yes but I’ve had plenty of trips in Amsterdam where I’ve been away with it.

Your nickname was a long time coming?

I didn’t take a long time coming in The Dam though. I didnae get value for money if you know what I mean (wink, wink?) I’m just glad I didn’t get the first name the TSTA were going to call me. Now that was a bit too much.

What was that?

“Fat Boy Slim”. It was a wee bit unfair that one. I mean do I look like a Norman? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again I’m not fat; I’m big boned. I suppose I cannae grumble with “Twinkletoes” can I?

So where did that name come from?

You need to have seen me at the TSTA karaoke mate. I do a mean “Town called Malice” and my dance routine would have Fred Astaire and Ginger clapping. Whereas my routine with a ginger lass in The Dam gave me the clap! Only joking there honest (at this point our interviewee scratched his…..)

So you’re a bit of a mover then?

Oh yes I can move. See my special vindaloo, Special K and prune soup it always does the trick!
No seriously I’m not a mover at all. I get a taxi to the bogs when I’m in the pub and have at least ten pints before I “go”.
I am shoe leatheringly challenged. In fact in Lithuania when The Chieftain led us to the first pub on the right, I had to stop after 10 yards for a fag break. Whilst puffin’ away I did expect someone to wrap a silver blanket over me and chuck a free Mars bar to me. Still, it was only another 10 yards after that wee break to the pub.

What was the best bit about Lithuania?

Legs! I’ve never seen so many well-shaped long legs. Their chicken legs werenae bad either it has to be said.
No: to be honest I really thought the whole trip was superb. Rocky and I had a rare time. We met a Lithuanian bloke in a boozer who tried hard with his English, (now mind they speak a wee bit like the Russians accent-wise). He said to us “I’ll buy this round. What are 3 threes” and we said “A forest in Livingston mate”. He didnae get it I suppose he must have been a bit dense.

I suppose the other good thing was the chick I nearly pulled in Kaunas. See if you look at my photie and view the space between my hands that’s how wide she was, even I have standards mate.
Right can I get back to the bar now please there’s a Granny over there in the corner who looks the part and hey I’m the man whose bingo pen is needing some hot action!