Tap Shop Tartan Army - Stevies Diary Ahrnem

A Tale of Two Cities-ski
The Story of Lithuania

The disorganised Tap Shop Tartan Army decided to book for Lithuania on an organised trip for once. In total 27 paid their dosh in various part-payments. Some of this was funded by convention e.g.:

• Short payments of dig money
• Raiding the wife’s purse
• Bursting the bairn’s piggy bank by “accident”
• What bill?
• Or simply fiddling overtime sheets

Fried Egg on the other hand relied heavily on the generosity of the village bookie, and spawny wins on the TSTA HQ fruit machine. Provi cheques and promises of “I’ll bring you back duty free” were other fund raising ideas used by some but in the end, like last orders at the bar, all paid up happily.
A special mention goes to Big Stuff who gave up large Grant’s for a week to fund his trip. To think if he had handed sponsor sheets around the pub, then he could have raised a fortune as nobody would have believed he could do it. You can still see the handcuff marks on his wrists where he was tied to his bed but hey that’s another story.
They had two official virgin travellers. Twinkletoes made his long awaited foreign debut, as did Lionheart. Twinkletoes is shall we say, cheekily rotund, and one of their more interesting characters. To him a spade is not just a spade but also a suit in a deck of cards, or something made by Spear and Jackson. Nobody can fathom out what goes on in his mind, even him. To give you an idea of his manipulation of the English language - when he went on a lads weekend to Amsterdam, he came back to TSTA HQ and proclaimed “Ah went oot wi’ melons and came back wi’ prunes!”
Lionheart is Mini Baird’s boyfriend and is best described as a beanpole human disposal unit, with sexy blue eyes (The Fugitive’s niece told him about his eyes after the Iceland game when she was pished and he’s never let anyone forget it!) Immediately after being told about this and bragging about it Mini Baird gave him two black eyes.
The unofficial virgin was Rocky. He was supposed to be driving his forklift when the troops were away to Lithuania but one of his mates had to pull out at the last minute. Twinkletoes said he wished Rocky’s dad had done the same thing! Anyway Rocky was so jammy his mate had booked the same flight and hotel as the TSTA.
Their flight was at 06:00 on the Tuesday, so it was time to get the sensible head on. Yes they all went out and got suitably monged on the Monday night. The Chieftain thought it might be a good idea (half and hour before they were all due to eat) to book the village Indian for half eight. The diddy forgot it was shut on a Monday, so the village idiots headed off for the village Italian instead.
After their carbohydrate binge it was back to The Tap Shop for an alcohol binge. At midnight, Haymarket then kicked out the other drinkers from the pub with his usual friendly “Beat it!” Those who were travelling to Lithuania were then treated to a £10:00 “Tap Shop Airways Business Class Lounge” lock-in at the back of the pub. Haymarket compered the karaoke. The Chieftain, with the help of Nicky Scissorhands helped to ensure glasses were full at all times and the odd crisp poke was thrown at those who had rumbling bellies. Three and a half hours of drinking time and as many Quavers as you can eat for a tenner? Haymarket’s not a bad lad at all!
The TSTA were helping with The Tartan Army Message Board Sunshine Appeal. They had a pile of stuff all over the pub floor that needed to put into rucksacks. Everyone was to help by bagging it for deprived Lithuanian children. Marsall Mallow’s ears pricked up at this as he thought they said something about shagging depraved Lithuanian wummen. On a serious note each bag was already half full when they got them from the appeal organiser in Edinburgh Mazzy Stewart but the lads and lasses wanted to add more to them. The response was brilliant.
Lock up John’s girlfriend got loads of pens etc. from her work. Others bought loads of sweeties. The Boy Wonder got a huge selection of goodies from Sky TV such as T-Shirts and caps. The Vice Captain got a load of chart CDs. Mary Doll stuffed in a few Scotland scarves bought at the Iceland game by some of the club members. Perhaps the best donation was from one of their youngest members who is at primary school. Wee Nicole spent all her pocket money buying pencils and she individually wrapped them up in wee bags.
It took ages to divide all this up and inevitably some bags ended up with more in them than others as huge bags of sweets were rammed into every piece of available space.
As the night wore on some of the footsoldiers grew weary, in fact some grew beards but at last it was 03:30 and time to board the bus for the airport. Everyone was suitably sparkled. Big Stuff thought he was sparkled but Credit Card and The Chieftain knew differently. You see they saw his extreme stagger at around 01:00 and decided to take action. It wasn’t long ago that Celtic fans were thrown off a plane on the way back from a European game and they didn’t want any of their guys to have a similar fate before getting to Lithuania. Mind you it would take a heck of number of polis to get the big man under control.
With military precision, Credit Card kept on watch as The Chieftain hid around the corner of the bar and poured a water and coke for Big Stuff. At the same time, so as not to be rude, he poured a double voddie for himself and then dipped his finger in the vodka before circling the rim of Big Stuff’s glass. The word I have just typed is “glass” and not “arse”. Let’s just make this clear.
Anyway, The Chieftain and Credit Card continued with this routine for another 10 visits to the bar by Big Stuff. Finally it was time to get on board the bus. Most boarded immediately. Of course there were stragglers but they soon shifted when Hopkirk said he would sing “500 miles” on the karaoke again unless they moved. All commented that they could live with actually being able to see Hopkirk as long as they continued not to hear the tone-deaf dumplin’.
On arrival at Edinburgh airport Fried Egg tried to check in and piss off to the bar before everyone else. He tried to avoid the customary photo shoot. The bar was not even open as it was only 4 a.m. Whit a bawbag! He headed for the upstairs restaurant for a cup of tea instead. The others followed.
Supping his tea gingerly, even though his hair is grey, he missed out on the others discovering that the bar was now indeed open. He hung around for 10 minutes longer than he needed and then he was up like a bullet when he realised the need to go. This is a technique he has never mastered at nighttime according to his missus, Scrambled Egg.
The flight was on time but it’s a pity that Dress Sense wasn’t.
With everyone on board the plane, Dress Sense was nowhere to be seen. The Captain (not the Airline’s one) was confident he would turn up and told everyone to chill. Well, he would because he was totally Magooed. The first and second tannoy announcements didn’t produce Dress Sense, so Credit Card got off the plane and did two laps of the airport in an attempt to find the tube. He eventually did track him down. There he was snoring for Scotland across two seats next to the bar. A playful skelp with a left boot to bahooky soon jet propelled Dress Sense from the airport bar to Gate number 4. On board, Mary Doll applied the verbals and Dress Sense realised that once you’re nineteen there is no point in phoning Childline.
The take off, like Dress Sense’s napper, was bumpy. Lionheart made the mistake of letting everyone know that he had never flown before, so every change in engine noise was greeted with “Aw naw we’re gonnae crash!” by Twinkletoes sitting beside him. Lionheart’s underpants were fortunately dark in colour. Two and a quarter-hours later they arrived at Kaunas airport. So did their luggage, which surprised them all given the state they were in when they checked their bags in, as many had no idea where they were going.
There was one luggage carousel belt and 3 planes in the entire airport. The outside temperature is something that the stewardesses normally tell everyone about when they land. They didn’t mention this at all. No wonder. The plane’s temperature gauge must have been spinning backwards faster than a Bush/Blair speech on Iraq. The Janny announced it was so cold that the school milk would be lollipops in this and he worryingly checked under his kilt. He then signalled to the enquiring Hamlet “Aye still got two”.
Onto the bus they went for the 60 km drive to Vilnius. Big Stuff needed a smoke so decided to have a fly puff in the bus toilet. Marshall Mallow placed his boot on the toilet door so Big Stuff was locked in and it took him ages to work out what had happened. It took a full hour and a half to get there. This goes a long way to explain why there has never been a Lithuanian Formula One driver. The Smuggler, who is a bus driver himself, noted the driver never got further than 3rd gear and also hat Lionheart did in fact need to change his undercarriage gear.
They arrived at their “home” in Vilnius, the very nice 3 Star, Europa City Hotel. It had opened that very day. Chaos ensued as the rooms were dished out. For example, Lee Wilkie’s Dad was apparently to share with Mazzy according to the hotel. In the end everything got sorted out and footsoldiers began to disappear in the lifts to their rooms like rats up a drainpipe. They all knew the sooner their luggage was dumped in the middle of their room the sooner they could hit the bar. This is a plan that usually works but not this time. The hotel’s beer delivery hadn’t arrived in time and it would be at least an hour before the pumps were flowing. Lionheart on the other hand had been flowing since the flight took off.
It was time for plan B. The Chieftain led his troops in the only way he could. “Right follow me, first pub on the right”. And there they stayed for more or less the rest of the evening.
Meanwhile, Jim Fae Kirkaldy asked Credit Card and Mary Doll if they could help him and a few others to take the kids’ bags down to The Radisson Hotel. This is where Ruary who was in overall charge of the appeal was organising to take the bags to the Childrens Home. When they got there they learned that there was going to be a Press call about the Tartan Army and the appeal. Mary Doll phoned the Europa City but the troops had already taken their positions in the first pub on the right.
At the Radisson there were a few other Tartan Army soldiers. Carey (last seen on Sky Sports 2008 bid) appeared clutching a huge net full of footballs which he had to let down before he was allowed to take them on the plane. He claimed his right arm was sore pumping them all up again. Jim and Credit Card did wonder what kind of magazine he had read on the plane on the way over. Well done though Carey. Tartan Sheep was there. Gordon was there too along with Billy Pretsell and Mazzy Stewart. Mark from Kirkcaldy was also there and of course Ian Black was on duty too adding some professionalism in order to face the Press. There were a few others there and sorry that I can’t recall all your names. Ruary asked The Hebrides Bar’s John Stirling to do a wee TV speech with Chick Young, which he did and very well at that.
The British Ambassador was in attendance with his wife along with the Mayor of Vilnius. Some of the kids and teachers were there too so they could receive some of the Tartan Army’s gifts. The gifts were extensive, as well as the bags for all the kids, there were 2 TV sets, a hi-fi and a laptop computer I believe. Blackie also presented some flowers to the ladies present.
The British Ambassador gave those there the use of his Land Rover and driver to take them up to the Children’s Home. On the way they passed the KGB museum. Once there they got a chance to meet some of the children who wanted to put a play on for everyone. The whole experience was very humbling. Ask anyone who went along and they will all tell you how proud it felt to be Scottish and to be part of the Tartan Army. Ruary was asked to say a few words and The Ambassador translated for the locals by turning Ruary’s words into Lithuanian. At the end of the Ambassador’s translation of Ruary’s first two sentences a bemused Ruary turned to him and said “Ehm Aye!”
The kids were delighted with their gifts and everyone left with lumps in their throats.
Anyway back at the Radisson Rob McLean and Sandy Clark popped in for a quick pint. Credit Card and Mary Doll spent the rest of the evening wandering around the bars in the centre of town with Jim and Mark Fae Kirkaldy in the faint hope of finding the others. They then headed off to their kips at about 11 o’clock before joining the other at the hotel bar at 01:00.
Meanwhile, in the first pub on the right, the others were having a rare old time. The Chieftain discovered that the Lithuanians make pear cider. Better still it was only 5 zonks a pint (about a quid). On meeting the Battlebus Commander for the first time last year, The Chieftain remembered he had sung the praises of this liquid. The Chieftain decided to carry out his own scientific experiment. He said, “If it takes 14 pints of lager to get me Magooed, how many pear ciders would do the same trick?” That’s The Chieftain for you he was always good at science at school. He was always experimenting with blondes, brunettes, drink, smoking materials and alcohol.
Dress Sense and Litchfield headed out for a walk and returned half an hour later. Dress Sense found a stall that sold military equipment and had bought a Russian tank commanders hat, which looked rather fetching with his kilt, one sock pulled up the other at his ankles and his untied trainers.
The Chieftain supped his fourth pear cider and then he also started to experiment with the Lithuanian vodka on learning it was only 40p for a double, double, i.e. 100ml measure.
Some of the TSTA made there way to the Under 21 game, which was played in the searing heat of minus ten degrees. Those who went including The Captain and Vice Captain said the game was crap and there was chaos trying to get into the stadium. They reckoned the stadium made Brockville look like the Bernabeau. The bogs were an unofficial paddling pool.
After the game they headed back to the fist pub on the right. There was a karaoke machine in the bar and the TSTA’s finest singers did their bit. Then of course there was Fireman Bam. As he stood with his back to the rest of them, mike in hand, he tried to sing the words of the song on the screen but behind them Haymarket had got everyone to sneak out of the pub. On finishing his piece, (he was eating at the same time as singing, believe me it makes him sound better) Fireman Bam turned around to see an empty pub. The rest of the TSTA were huddled together outside with noses pressed at full force against the window with various sets of V-signs being delivered at the same time to whoops and cries of “Ya Fanny!”
A group of Lithuanian students entered the bar and were a little wary of seeing the TSTA Bravehearts especially when they stood up to sing “Stand up if Ye Hate England” with kilts and bodies swaying in unison. That was it. They shit themselves and made for the door. Gnasher stopped them by saying “It’s OK Fireman Bam isnae gonnae sing again!” The troops bought them all a drink and asked them to stay. Soon it was a Scottish song then a Lithuanian song one after another. It was also pear ciders and vodkas one after another.
One of the Lithuanians asked The Boy Wonder to write down the words of Flower of Scotland. The Boy Wonder can’t write when he is sober, so Dennis the Menace took over with Gnasher helping to support the pen. The Lithuanians then proceeded to sing it perfectly.
Hamlet overheard The Smuggler on the phone to his Mrs. “Aye hen I’ve taken oot 400 from my Visa as I was a wee bit short” and then his phone went dead. Litchfield told the Smuggler he didn’t say to his missus whether he took out 400 zonks or £400. There were only about 5 zonks to the pound but his missus did think he meant £400 so by now The Smuggler was heading for a welcome home with a baseball bat.
Gazza was wrecked at this point and falling over every ten minutes but still he managed the inbred Scots co-ordination of being able to bring glass to mouth. He was eventually led away to his bed about midnight.
The students decided to buy the TSTA a tray of drinks back. It was some local hooch. The Chieftain gathered everyone around asked them to stand and then gave the order “Drink!” There was a sea of raised right elbows as they all downed their drinks in one and then the glasses were slammed back to the table. Within seconds The Smuggler’s drink had an immediate return journey. His drink, together with copious amounts of diced carrots within Technicolor liquid erupted over the unsuspecting Janny!
Fuelled by pear cider, Rocky and Twinkletoes decided to head into town for some action. They tracked down a sauna in a place called Waterworld. Twinkletoes shimmied and quickly waddled downstairs painting all kinds of images in his mind but mainly of the barmaid in the last pub but with no clothes on. He opened the door expecting to be confronted by soft hands and painted nails that would help straighten out a small matter for him. Sadly for the big felly it was just a plain sauna with white walls and a painting of some band and nothing else.
Boy was the big felly and his wee pal deflated! He lay flat out and crashed out. Rocky confirms - but Twinkletoes denies this but apparently he peed himself!
It was time for more vodka. Back upstairs at the bar Twinkletoes asked the barman if there were some nice girls around town. The barman phoned one for him. Rocky sat on his stool (no he didn’t shit himself). There was a spare one next to him on his right and then there on the next one sat Twinkletoes. He was now checking the pub mirror; he gazed at his reflection but had to add another mirror side by side so he could all fit in. His head tilted slightly to the right whilst raising his right twitching eyebrow. He looked good, very good, he kept telling himself. Rocky smiled and simply said “Whit a dick!”
The moment of truth arrived. In came a stunning leggy blonde, with a gorgeous figure, heaving breasts and sexy, sultry eyes. She planked her erse on the seat beside Tinkletoes. She said, “What is your name Big Boy?” and thrust her right hand on the big yin’s slowly rising sporran. “It’s Jamsie hen. Erhm Jamsie Cotter.” At this point the mouthful of lager Rocky was drinking was sprayed all over the mirror.
She said, “Jamesie, you and me together 300 zonks (£60) for an hour”. Jamesie looked at his sporran which by now had nearly hit his chin, raised his head slowly (the other one) and gazed into her eyes and said “Fuck me what am I going to do for the other 55 minutes, ah’ve just no got that much conversation in me hen”. Rocky by now had fallen off his stool and was doing the dead fly whilst guffawing away. Not surprisingly they got thrown out.
Back at the first pub on the right The Captain had stuffed his nostrils with bog roll and cleaned up The Smuggler’s pavement pizza. Lock up John and Gazza were now sleeping in the corner.
Around midnight various members of the TSTA began to make it back to the Europa City Hotel bar and gradually they succumbed to their lack of sleep the previous night. A few stayed on until the bar closed at 2 a.m.
Then at quarter past two, into the foyer fell Rocky and Twinkletoes. They went up to bar which was closed and tried to get it open but had no joy. They went back to foyer and held each other up. Twinkletoes wanted a photo and asked Rocky to take it. Twinkletoes stood in front of the reception desk and threw his eyes back to try and point out the lovely receptionist girl. The camera’s flash didn’t work.
Twinkletoes was determined to get his photo, so he ran behind the reception desk. The receptionist’s fear was written all over her face. Twinkletoes ran straight past her (but did turn his head quickly to admire her bum). He made it to the photocopier. He pulled the lid up and stood firmly beside the Xerox and put on a cheesy grin. He pressed the copy button and shouted to Rocky “Now!” as the bright light lit of the copier in action lit up his coupon.
At 6 a.m. Big Stuff came zigzagging out of the lifts and went outside. He came straight back in again realising that it was minus 5 and he didn’t have a jacket.
He found a nearby supermarket and bought a wee bottle of voddy to cuddle and take back to bed.
He was up again at eight, had a quick shower to sober him up and ventured out to the supermarket again and returned with 40 cigarettes, a 2-litre bottle of coke, a bottle of water and two cans of beer called “Horn”. He said to Randall “ No bad eh? Less than 3 quid for that lot and I’ve got the horn two!”
Quite a few of the troops admired Dress Sense’s hat and everyone asked where he was. Sleeping again! When he eventually woke up he took them on a wild goose chase across Vilnius but eventually he found the military hat stall. Vice Captain was the first to show interest in the wares available. He had his eye on a Russian MIG fighter pilot’s hat. He decided to buy it and even though I don’t speak Lithuanian, I swear the two grannies that were the stall owners said to one another “Fuckin’ hell he is actually wanting to buy it”. Vicey popped it on his bonce and declared it’s for day and night-time wear as he winked at one of the bemused stallholders enquiring of her phone number.
Next up Randall and Hopkirk bought a couple of black furry Cossack numbers that pulled over their ears. They fitted perfectly. Lionheart bought one too plus Vicey got one for The Captain. Credit Card went for a Russian U boat Commanders hat, which was similar but was part leather. They all walked proudly up the street to grab a taxi back to the hotel. Mary Doll and Mini Baird walked 10 yards behind them to hopefully fool people into thinking that they were not with them.
At midday the TSTA all closed their eyes, clicked their heels twice and boarded the bus to take them back to Kaunas.
On the bus Big Stuff and Lock up John fell asleep and cuddled into one another. It made a braw photo, indeed a photo was taken and displayed on the Tap Shop Tartan Army website. You see the pair of then happen to be prison wardens in Saughton and their inmates would love a photo like that!
The bus pulled up beside the river in Kaunas and the crew all piled out in search of a pub. They walked over the bridge and you’ve guessed it, they walked into the first pub on the right. This one was a really good one, called The Four Seasons. Once again it was very cheap.
One of our footsoldiers was getting on famously with 2 Lithuanian girls who spoke perfect English. He was getting pelters from the rest of the troops for having such pish patter. Apparently it was working though. However when he went to the loo, Haymarket invited the best looking of the two girls to his table for few minutes for a laugh. He basically grabbed her and said, “Haw hen sit there for 30 seconds”. You should have seen the look of our wee footsoldier when he came out of the loo, his bottom lip hit the floor as the rest of us roared as Haymarket got down on one knee in a pretend engagement scene.
It was time for some food. The Janny, Hamlet and The Smuggler ordered away and were amazed at the good value and quality. A fillet steak was only £3.00 and The Captain’s table of six; ordered six. They were fabulous.
As the afternoon wore on there were a few casualties. Big Stuff was monged and they sent him back to the bus for a sleep. Three quarters of an hour later he returned said he couldn’t find it and ordered a beer. One beer later he was fast asleep at the top left table booth in the pub, which became affectionately known as Snorers Corner. Big Stuff was joined in the corner a few minutes later. It was Haymarket who was ready for a snooze. Richard Branson was next but he didn’t even make it to Snorers Corner. His head just thumped off the table and he went to sleep. Fried Egg and The Chieftain kept on muttering “Lightweights” or “Soup Drinkers” in the sleepers’ ears but they were dead to the world.
Those without hats were jealous as the temperature outside dropped to minus 5 degrees. A few went out in search for some more but just about every Tartan Army footsoldier had bought all of the hats in Kaunas. Sadly, the only further headgear secured was Vicey’s Beatles wig and Litchfield’s Donny Osmond hat. On their way back to the pub they bumped into EASTA’s The Claw who was Magooed as usual in the main street.
Back at the pub, Fried Egg was hungry again but opted against cannibalism when he saw Fried Egg on the menu. Instead, he had another beer. It was time to get back to the bus to take everyone to the game. All were on board at the right time and they made it to the stadium with an hour and a half to spare. There were a few bars outside so the six without tickets decided that would be the best place to search for them, beer that is not tickets. In addition to trying to buy a ticket, The Boy Wonder also tried 3 attempts to get a policeman to swap his hat for his Glengarry. He had more chance of swapping it for a night with the KGB.
They got tickets eventually but for the Lithuanian end and had to push and shove to make their way into the ground. The others were gathered in the right end of the ground already, huddled to get a heat as the snow began to fall.
At this point Vice Captain met The Battlebus Commander who let Vicey see photos of the ferry between Stockholm and Tallin. The Battlebus Commander said the sea was frozen 6 foot deep and the boat had to have a few goes to cut through the ice. Vicey said he could beat that. Big Stuff is over 6 foot, was frozen to the marrow and had about 6 attempts to find the bus.
Throughout the match Randall and Hopkirk (both Hearts fans) stood next to Fried Egg (a Hibs fan). Every time Steven Pressley touched the ball they gave it “Magic Big Man….Majestic Pressley……Superb play” to annoy him. Fried Egg didn’t give a shit. He gobbed on his palm and dabbed saliva in both ears, which froze instantly rendering him temporarily deaf! In fact it still works every time you tell him it’s his round.
The riot police in army uniforms patrolled the perimeter as Litchfield shouted “Call yerself hard, ah’ve done harder number twos. You wouldnae last five minutes in Iraq”.
Meanwhile The Chieftain, Big Stuff, Marshall Mallow, Dennis the Menace, Gnasher and The Boy Wonder were trying to work out who they were scared of most whilst shivering at the other end. It was either the riot polis with their guns and truncheons or their fans that sang, “Ah’ll shag yer ma!” Well that’s what Gnasher thought they were singing it was actually “Lietuva” which is Lithuania in Lithuanian. There was a huge mad bug eyed drummer too who didn’t look too friendly. A few more “Lietuvas” were chanted and then The Chieftain bawled “Ah’ll shag yer ma, yer sister and yer da!” to which the ogre with the drum gave him the thumbs up and a smile. The Chieftain was for once afraid, very afraid.
The game was mince. Once again a whole trip ruined by 90 minutes of football. In fact it was 96 minutes as the incompetent referee as well as giving a penalty that never was added 6 minutes injury time to the second half just so we could freeze that bit more. Beaten one nil by a pub team. Disaster! Disaster my arse the pub was still open. The TSTA made it back to The Four Seasons and they did all they could to swop their zonks for beer and even some more food as well.
One of the waiters gazed into Lock up John’s eyes and said “Do you like boys, because I like you?” Well that’s just not the thing to say to a prison warder is it? The place was in an uproar as Lock up John said in his gruffest voice “Naw ah’m a Britney Spears man myself!” Richard Branson discovered he had inadvertently forgotten to take out one of the kid’s rucksacks from his own bag, the twit. He decided to “donate” it on the way home, which made sense. It was 2 a.m. and time to head back for the bus. There were 3 buses all parked in the same place to ferry the Tartan Army back to the 4 a.m. flight to Edinburgh.
One hundred and fifty Tartan Army troops were on their tippy-toes trying to keep the noise down as they crossed a residential area. Out popped 2 Lithuanians from the darkness under the trees, who decided to give everyone abuse for no reason whatsoever. Everyone ignored them but the abuse got worse and worse as more and more passed them by. Finally Rocky appeared with a Lithuanian flag draped around his neck and was given a torrent of verbal abuse but worse still a misplaced kick, to which he asked the two of them to repeat the gesture. Only the first syllable was heard before a “kerpow” as Rocky knocked them both for six. Not a very nice thing to do but it was hard to blame Rocky in the circumstances as the two ran off.
To add a touch of comedy though, at the rear of the field completely oblivious to what had gone on a few seconds before, there was Big Stuff staggering from side to side singing to his bootlaces below “We’ll be Coming Down the Road”.
When the buses reached the airport it was clear that Kaunas airport couldn’t cope with a big plane as there was only one security scanner. This led to a huge queue. There wasn’t much in the duty free to buy as the Scotland Team had bought most of it an hour earlier before boarding their flight home. Finally, at breakfast time the plane touched down and the TSTA were finally home.
As they passed passport control Vice Captain donned his Beatles wig but sadly the passport control lady never even noticed.
Roll on Oslo.......