Tap Shop Tartan Army Banner

Is that a French Stick under your Kilt? Or are you just pleased to see me?
A likely tale of Severed Heed

So Marshall Mallow you don’t like that name, do you?
It makes me sound kind of pink and soft and about a quarter of an inch thick. Mind you quite a few of my girlfriends describe me like that on a Friday night.

So what do you prefer?
Girls! Are you calling me a puff? Oh right ah see, I prefer to be called Severed Heed.

Isn’t that what happened to Wayne Bobbit?
Hey you’ve got a point there (fumbles his nether regions). No I’ve changed my mind, Marshall Mallow’s fine.

Is it true your bed is always made up on tour?
And so are all the chicks when they meet me in foreign climes ma son. It’s true I don’t ever sleep in my own bed. In fact I don’t sleep at all as sleep gives you cancer, everyone knows that! I prefer to stay up all night and go out in search of a foreign burd who’ll buy me drink all night.

Any success?
Erhm well no, but The Boy Wonder once bought me a drink. To be fair as far as the chicks go I’ve been really unlucky the last 23 I’ve chatted up have been lezzers.

Surely you must have had “some” success?
Well does this face empty knickers, ah mean just look at it?

Aye you’re right, ahm pishing myself laughing and now I need a fresh pair! I thought you pulled in Oslo?
Ah did, but I woke Gazza up wi aw that slapping sound………Oh sorry. Aye erm right you must be talking about Yahu?

An unusual name?
That wasn’t her name that’s what I said when she checked out for underwear under ma kilt. I didn’t even have to chat her up or buy her a drink. She said she saw me earlier in the day.

Where was that then?
Earlier in the day the TSTA stumbled across a nudist beach on one of Oslo’s islands. God knows how we found it but to this day Credit Card is in charge of directions. Anyhow, on arrival I stood there facing into the bright sun on top of the hill looking down at the skuddies on the beach. As I casually viewed the scene below with a telescope, I started to chomp on my lunch which was a full length French stick held vertically. I drooled over the tip of it as I held it quite still as I tried to snatch a better view however the other end of it protruded down from the hem of my kilt.
Yahu (some 15 yards behind me) clocked a silhouette, which gave her the impression that there was some prime Scotch Beef on show. Obviously, word spread in the nightclub as Yahu told tales about my impressive package. Suddenly, I was surrounded by busty, gorgeous and horny Nordic blonde babes…………Then I woke up with a storky to the sound of Gazza, cupped hands over my lughole bellowing “Freeeeeeedom!”
I’ve never forgiven him for waking me up from the best dream I never finished. He’s a fud!

Eh my round? Erhm see ya!