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The Facilities Management Team Leader?
Yep!! An interview with "The Janny"

(The Janny demonstrates Janny Code Rule 41 on Action Man in connection with The Sixth Year’s Girls’ Xmas Party)

Well The Janny; an unusal name?
I am a Facilities Management Team Leader if you don’t mind and son put that fag out and hand the packet over to me.

Settle an argument who is the oldest between you and Diesel Dave?
Are you serious? Jings Diesel is the oldest by a mile, can you not see that my coupon is a film star’s compared to his.

Aye you do look like Shrek! You had a bit of good news recently did you not?
Aye Malky poured a decent pint at last. Oh aye and of course I became a Grandad for the first time.

So you were delighted about that?
Of course I was over the moon. When I heard the news I rushed up to the loft for the Scalectrix set and then I found out it’s a girl. That bairn will want for nothing I’ll tell you. Just think of the number of Barbie dolls I can confiscate at playtimes for her.

It was fairly recently that you hit the old six oh?
Aye but it was a 40 limit so I got a few points for that. Naw my sixtieth birthday was this year and I had a rare party. One of my presents was a Scotland shirt with 60 on the back. That caused Diesel to get a kick up the backside.

How come?
He said the 6 was upside down!

What’s the worst thing you’ve seen on tour?
It’s usually 11 players in dark blue but no, I’ll go for a sight I saw in a pub in Dortmund that nearly had me reaching for my trusty bucket and sawdust. The Singing Defective took his false teeth out and placed them on his head and that started a chain reaction with The Captain and Vice Captain following suit. Then, you know the game where folks throw their car keys on the table, well they did that with their false teeth. Trust me it was not a pretty sight seeing three sets of gnashers in the wrong gubs. By the way mine’s are my own, I know that because I paid the dentist in full for them.
There’s a few other things I’ve seen on tour that have been scary too, I mean The Boy Wonder’s coupon is hellish at the best of times but see first thing in the morning och it’s beyond description.

Being a Janny means you must like kids?
I do but I couldn’t eat a whole one. I get annoyed when adults don’t offer them the respect they deserve. For example in Paris, a spotty little froggy kid was making a racket on the metro and I was disappointed to see some of my fellow TSTA footsoldiers shaking their heads and saying tut-tut. Everyone knows the janitorial etiquette for this situation, it’s simply a matter of following JC (The Janny Code) and of course, yours truly is a master - I simply shook the bairn warmly by the throat, said a few big sweary words and nicked his sweets from him. There sorted. Malky geez a pint of Belhaven Best and see if you could maybe pour a good one for a change.