An interview with Gnasher

You’ve been a long time coming Gnasher but now it’s your turn
Jings I’ve not heard that since Dennis took me to the Chicken Ranch.

So Gnasher, it will be bit of an obvious name?
Oh aye. Dennis is my Old Man’s name and if you ever play 5 a-sides I’m the one most likely to bite your legs so I couldn’t really be called anything else.

For one so young you’re a bit of a veteran are you not?
I’m just a young pup. By the way would you mind not using the V word. Mention of those first three letters always makes me nervous. It’s true though I’ve been to quite a few tours now with the TSTA. Now that dogs can have passports it means I can go overseas.

Have you got a favourite trip?
I sure have. Dennis was talking me a walk on the leash in Vilnius, or perhaps it was the lash. I had a great time, in fact you could go as far at to say it was the dog’s bollocks. Talking of which I did get monged in the first pub on the right and lay on my back leg’s a kimbo. I was resting my eyes rather than sleeping. I heard The Janny say “See yon Gnasher he can lick his own bollocks. I wish I could dae that”. Then I heard Big Stuff say “Aye gee him a biscuit and he might let ye!
I finally did drop off to sleep when along comes some braw looking Lithuanian chick. She sees me on the floor and reached for me and placed me on her napper as she mistook me for one of those Russian Cossack hats.
I looked down to see some magnificent cleavage. I thought to myself if Dennis were to throw them to me to fetch I would certainly play with them but he wouldn’t get them back! Anyway while I was staring I got a boner (well I am a dog) and fell off her head. It wasn’t a pleasant landing and it explained my limp for the rest of the trip……(see our doggie dreams they’re great!)

What are your favourite sounds?
The Evil Scotsman, Punk, Mowtown, the ice cream van and the noise of a beer can opening.

When did you last cry?
What apart from Seville? Och that would be when I saw Greyfriar’s Bobby on BBC2. I though my bobby was bigger by the way, then I seen his and then I cried again.

Hibs to win the Scottish Cup? Anything more unlikely?
That’s a tricky one. I suppose it would be a more remarkable event to witness a sensible, coherent, conversation between The Boy Wonder and Marshall Mallow once they’ve had half a dozen pints each.
By the way if The Muppets were to win the cup Fried Egg, The Chieftain, Ski-in Don’t, Twinkeltoes and Humpty Dumpty certainly wouldn’t be teetotal.
So join these two events together and that’s my answer. Right now out of my way I’ve got lamposts to sniff.

By Stevie "CreditCard" Morris
© copyright stevie morris 2002