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"Willie Johnston and a Singing Pink Elephant"
An interview with
Colin "Big Stuff" Gregory

Why do they call you Big Stuff?

It’s got something to do with me having to wear a kilt that goes down to my ankles! Naw, OK then: I suppose I’ll tell you the truth.
One night I was absolutely bladdered and was recovering peacefully with a large Grant’s at opening time on the Sunday morning at TSTA HQ. The Chieftain took one look at me and said what was I drinkin’ last night. I couldn’t remember, in fact even at that time forming a four word sentence such as “get tae +*#% Pedro” was impossible. With my face fitting neatly in the Tennant’s ashtray on the bar I said “Big Stuff”.
To this day it stuck - in fact so did the ashtray for a couple of hours and I had a red T across the bridge of my nose for weeks.

You’re a big lad aren’t you how tall are you?

Taller than you sonny, and just about anyone else for that matter so cut out the pish!

What’s your favourite record?

I drank 2 bottles of Vodka on the way to the game in Arnhem, some flaming record that eh?

I meant music, Big Stuff?

Music, music to my ears is it? Och easy! Son have ye ever heard the sound of a screwtap against glass in an anti-clockwise direction? Now see that noise, it’s pure dead Beetroot, ehm sorry Beethoven.

What is your greatest achievement Big Stuff?

Now that is a hard question. I have had quite a few. I think making it to 4 away games in a row was good going after a wee incident at Hampden. It should be pointed out that nicking the bairn’s stabilisers from his bike was a master-stroke to compensate for the bevvy.

You missed one big home game didn’t you?

Well remember the play off against “them?” I had a wee Vodka frenzy before the game, as you do, and then I skelped a few ports on the bus. I got off the bus and done a mazy wee run that was a la Willie Johnston circa 1978. He did his wee mazy runs using Reactivan whereas mine’s was react to a dram.
Before I new it I was talking to a pink elephant with purple dots in some bush near the ground. It said I was drunk but it was really friendly like and told me to cuddle into it’s trunk and even sang me a lullaby. Ach these things happen every now and then.

Rumour has it you like to play bingo on TSTA tours?

I played bingo on the bus going to Belgium. I love that game and if anything ever happened to our bingo machine then someone would be in big trouble. The bit that gets me is the game’s so easy to relate to. A “straight line”, something I can never walk. “Four corner numbers” there’s 60, 70 and 80 shilling taps in the corner of the pub as well as a bottle of VAT69 in the other one. Finally, of course a “full house” vodka is always my cup of tea.