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Interview with a Bawbag

So you are one half of the Bawbags then?

Correct! And you my son are a complete Shareen.

You have a twin brother. Did you both wear the same clothes as each other at school?

Yes I wore navy knickers and so did Ski-in’ Don’t as well. When the lassies in our class found out we knicked them, we both got six of the belt! Still we got over our pain by selling the briefs to Vicey (who still wears them if you ask him nicely!)

First trip with the TSTA?

Brussels. Well in truth I went on my own steam and when I got there and met the TSTA they were steamin’.

Best trip with the TSTA so far?

Mainz in Germany for the Future Team was knob out by the way. We stayed in a superbamoondo hotel. We were monged throughout our stay but the staff were superb with us even when we did go into the sauna and stumble on the air stewardesses

Your most embarrassing moment then? The sauna?

Naw when you’ve seen as many snatches as me then you dinnae bother, after all I’m from Dedridge!
No, for me there was a better one in Mainz, it tops the lot big man. There was me sitting in front of the TV and The Fugitive had just popped out to see The Vice Captain. He left oor room door ajar. Anyway, as you do, I sat there flicking through the TV channels. For some reason I got stuck casting my peepers on the 3 minutes of free porn. It caught my eye. Anyway, the maid passing by, caught my eyes watching the telly. Mind you it was some of the best tits I’ve seen on the telly since Vicey and Credit Card did their bit on Sky News!

What is your scariest TSTA moment

Easy. When Annie Bear said that she was coming with me to Dortmund. Shit! She means it. There was one other time when Haymarket shouted last orders on a Sunday at 10 p.m. He was just joking though the diddy.

We hear you are a bit of a John Travolta?

Right who telt ye? Was it that twat The Cheiftain in between large bowls of soup, the soup drinking mong? OK I was caught on camera in the stadium, in the crowd, in Mainz, in Germany (do I sound like Alan McInally?) and in a wee world on my own due to that strong German lager. Guilty your honour. Now piss off and let me get back to ma pint. Bro let’s get monged!